


Terms of Engagement

by RachaelGold



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M, Forceful Chakotay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-04-29 19:50:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14479935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RachaelGold/pseuds/RachaelGold
Summary: The Seven debacle is over, Kathryn Janeway is five weeks away from marrying another man and Chakotay is on a mission: to make love to the woman of his dreams come hell or high water.Setting: Post-Endgame.





	1. Chapter 1

B'Elanna looked at her old friend over the rim of her coffee mug, and blew softly on the wisps of steam spiralling upwards. She was worried about him. He'd never seemed his normal self since his break up with Seven. Since before then, if she was honest. Things might have been different, if Kathryn hadn't been in a relationship herself by then. She knew he was having regrets about the way things had turned out, but he only had himself to blame. She studied his face. He looked relaxed and happy, but she knew he could hide things pretty well. Just as Kathryn could. 

"Did you get your invitation then?" 

Chakotay lifted his eyes, and B'Elanna noted the shadow that crossed them. "Yes," he said simply. 

"Will you go?" 

"No. I don't think so. I hope to be headed out for Dorvan long before then." 

"Sounds like a pretty convenient excuse to me." 

"No, I really am going for a while…to help with the restoration effort." His eyes met hers, and he saw she wasn't buying it. "B'Elanna, I don't think I could bear to watch her marry someone else," he said with more candour than was usual for him. B'Elanna's eyebrows knotted, as she contemplated the mess her friend had made…yet again…of his love life. 

"You only have yourself to blame…." 

"I know that." 

"If you hadn't been dating Seven when we got home…well, it's a pretty safe bet it would have been your name on the top of the invitation." 

Chakotay's face registered the surprise he felt at this statement. "What do you mean?" 

"Well, it was always pretty obvious to the rest of us how you both felt about each other." 

"Maybe it was, but she never gave us a chance. She would never let me in…" 

"Of course, she wouldn't. You know why. It was something she was saving for when we got home…She hoped you'd wait. She didn't expect you to…but she hoped…" 

"It could have been seventy years!" he said defensively. He shifted uncomfortably, not liking the way the blame was being heaped on him. 

"But it wasn't. She waited. You didn't." 

"B'Elanna you can't lay this on me!" 

"Okay, okay. Sorry I said anything." They lapsed into silence for a while, listening only to the rustle of the wind through the trees, and the distant sound of Tom's voice crooning to Miral. It brought a brief smile to both their lips. B'Elanna drew a breath. It was delicate, but she felt compelled to say more. She might be stirring up trouble, she might regret interfering, but she only had the happiness of her friends at heart…both her friends. 

"It was what you hoped too, wasn't it?" she probed. 

Chakotay sighed. "For a long time…" Well, at least he'd admitted it. 

"Why the hell did the two of you never talk about it properly?" 

"I suppose I never wanted to live with the rejection I was sure I'd get," he said, with half a laugh. "There would have been no escape from it on board ship. It was better to live with a crumb of hope than to endure the rest of the journey with a failed relationship staring me constantly in the face." 

"You would have been surprised, Chakotay. You might not have got the rejection you imagined." 

He laughed dismissively. "B'Elanna, you have no idea what you're talking about. She didn't feel anything like that for me. Certainly not by the time we got home anyway." 

"Oh, I know more than you think!" she said cryptically, crossing her legs, and staring at her feet. 

"What do you mean?" he asked, with rising interest. 

"She was very cut up about you and Seven." 

"I don't think so. She seemed fine to me when we saw her." 

"But you didn't see much of her did you?" 

"Well…no." 

"She was avoiding you." 

"She was busy." 

"Rather like you've been 'busy' since she got engaged?" 

Chakotay grunted. She had a point. "Have the pair of you been talking?" he asked, his curiosity piqued. 

"You could say that…" 

"Well, then," said Chakotay, eager for more. "Spill it! What do you know?" He placed his mug on the table and leaned in closer. 

"Oh, I don't think I should break any confidences here…" 

"Not even in a good cause?" 

"Is it a good cause?" 

"It is…if you think she's marrying the wrong man." 

"She's marrying a good man. I like him a lot." 

"Is it enough?" 

"Of course, it's enough. He's besotted with her. She's very happy. And she deserves it." 

"Then, why the hell did you bring the subject up?" 

"Honestly, I don't know. I wish I hadn't now." They regarded each other in silence for a few moments, B'Elanna's eyes registering a degree of sympathy for her old captain. "Well…I guess…there's just a niggle in the back of my mind that the two of you missed out on something incredibly special. If you'd still been entangled with Seven, I certainly wouldn't have mentioned it." 

"Believe me, I wish I'd never been entangled with Seven…I didn't love her enough to forget Kathryn." 

"Maybe you should tell her that." 

"Isn't it a bit late for that?" 

"It will be in five weeks' time." 

"She won't thank me for waltzing in at this stage and professing my undying love for her." 

"No, she won't. And you may very well get sent away with a flea in your ear. God knows you deserve it. But I think you should give her a chance to make up her own mind. Maybe she deserves to know that you still love her. You've given her every reason to suppose that you don't." 

"There'd be some point in it, if I thought she still cared for me…if she ever did." 

"She does." 

"B'Elanna, we spent seven years hardly out of each other's company. She never once gave me any word of encouragement…" 

"Of course, she didn't. She couldn't. Or felt she couldn't…as Captain. But she showed you how she felt in a thousand other small ways. You must have been in fluidic space not to notice." She paused, wondering how much to say. "She told me recently that she wished you'd pushed her. Fought harder. Maybe taken the decision out of her hands." 

Chakotay's jaw dropped. "You mean…" B'Elanna nodded. "On Voyager?" 

"Yes, on Voyager," she replied with mild irritation. 

"She'd have spaced me." 

"Maybe. But at least you'd have talked about your relationship like mature adults…" 

"Huh! You can talk! You and Tom danced around each other for months like a pair of ridiculous juveniles!" B'Elanna's mouth twisted in acceptance of his barb. 

"At least we stopped dancing and admitted our feelings for each other. Chakotay, I can't believe you don't think she's worth fighting for…" 

He looked at her, his emotions showing openly on his face. "Of course she's worth fighting for." 

"Then tell her. Tell her, before it's too late." Chakotay nodded his acceptance of her advice. "Maybe I've been wrong to bring this up. Maybe I should have let things be. But I know she loves you deep down. If you still love her, I think she deserves to know." 

* * *

  


Chakotay chewed over B'Elanna's words for a few days. The more he thought about it, the more he realised that he had to act…to know for sure if Kathryn still loved him. But the revelation that Kathryn had wished that he had fought harder for her...had somehow pushed her to abandon her stubborn grasp on protocol...resonated in his mind with a persistent timbre. 

By the moment he stood outside the door of her apartment, at a time when he was sure she was alone, he had decided that softly softly was not the approach to take. She was a woman who stuck incredibly fast to her principles, and she had promised herself to another man. He had a strong feeling that a few appeals to her sense of destiny, however dramatic his declaration of love, would not be enough to shake her resolve to marry Edgar Allenby. After all, it hadn't worked on New Earth when she had been engaged to Mark. She had remained fiercely loyal, even faced with the prospect of never seeing the man again. 

It would take something quite explosive to cause her to let go of her sense of obligation. There was one thing he had to do to put himself on an equal footing with Edgar or better. She hadn't as yet moved in with Edgar, but he was damned sure she'd been sleeping with him. He at least had lived with her for ten weeks, and as good as lived with her for seven years. But he'd never slept with her. That was something he had to rectify. It would change the nature of their relationship, and until that particular barrier was crossed, he would not stand a chance of breaking her commitment to Edgar. Persuading her wouldn't be easy, but he thought he could pull it off. Maybe it was risky, but the prize was worth it. 

He rang the chime, and a surprised, but delighted Kathryn Janeway admitted him to her comfortable dwelling. It was well appointed and spacious, as befitted an admiral, with an impressive view of the Golden Gate. He didn't waste time admiring the view. He'd been once before with Seven, on a memorably awkward occasion. He was only just beginning to realise why. 

She offered him a drink, which he willingly accepted, and, after a meaningless exchange of small talk and a scolding for his lack of previous communications, they sat on opposite sides of the coffee table, studying each other in silence. She was looking good, dressed casually in sweater and jeans. In fact she looked very happy without the stress of isolated command weighing down on her, especially now that she had the love of a good man. She looked younger, relaxed and more beautiful than ever. 

Eventually, Kathryn was the one who broke the silence. "You're not coming to the wedding?" she asked, with a hint of the deep hurt she felt lacing her voice. 

"No. I hope you don't mind." 

"Couldn't you delay going to Dorvan by a couple of weeks?" 

"I could. But I won't." Kathryn looked put out by this. 

"Chakotay! I'd really like you to be there!" she pleaded. 

Chakotay put down his mug on the coffee table, and regarded her solemnly for some moments with darkening eyes. When he spoke, his tone was soft, yet penetrating. "Kathryn…the only way I will attend your wedding…is if I am the groom!" 

Her eyes widened in shock, and her mug joined his with a thump, making her comm. badge jump on the table. "Chakotay, you can't mean…you don't…" she started at a loss for words. 

"Oh, I mean it. Kathryn, I love you. I always have." Hastily, she rose, unable to hold his gaze, and went to stare blindly out of the window. She stood with her back to him, her thoughts in turmoil, silhouetted by the afternoon light. Chakotay watched her carefully, gauging her tell-tale reaction to his words. "We need to talk about this." There was a slight nod of her head, even though she was still too choked to speak. "Kathryn, you need to know...I'd give anything to be the man you're marrying in a few weeks..." 

A small sob erupted from the woman at the window. "Oh G...d, Chakotay! Your timing's lousy!" she said, rather more forcefully than she intended. 

"I know. But I'm having a hard time catching you between engagements!" he said, lightly. 

She huffed in exasperation. "It's too late…" 

"No, it's not." 

"Yes, it is. I'm getting married in five weeks' time." 

"To the wrong man," he asserted confidently. He was certain that if she didn't return his feelings, she would be looking at him with pity now, offering some well intentioned but unhelpful sympathy. Instead she had decidedly gone on the defensive, her voice and body betraying more than her words. She remained very still, her back rigid with determination. 

"How can you say that?" 

He rose, and came up to stand behind her, his warm breath tickling her ear. The grand sweep of the San Francisco Bay lay majestically before them. Far below thousands of miniature humanoids were going about their normal business, or enjoying their free time along the shore. Swarms of transport vehicles hovered around like small ladybugs darting between the buildings. These myriads of people were enjoying the gentle afternoon sunshine, oblivious to the emotional turmoil of two hurting people high above them. 

"All right. Tell me you don't love me. Look me in the eye and tell me you don't love me!" He saw her body tremble, and he knew the truth for certain. This was a woman who loved him, trying desperately not to show it. His arms went round her body, pushing up her sweater, flattening his fingers out on the smooth skin of her belly and pulling her firmly into the rising heat of his body. "Tell me!" he whispered hotly in her ear, nuzzling the hair out of the way, but it was obvious that nothing coherent could escape her throat. Her head lolled back, and he took the opportunity to kiss her neck. "You can't do it, can you? You can't bring yourself to say the words! Because you do love me!" His fingers wandered upwards, weaving their way across her bony rib cage to her breasts, where he began to toy with her nipples through the silky bra. He nibbled on her ear, and she sucked in her breath. "Kathryn, your body betrays you!" he hissed in delight. 

She tried to pull away. "Chakotay, I think you'd better go." 

"Oh no! I'm not letting you slip through my fingers anymore!" 

Her elbows rammed suddenly into his ribs, painfully winding him and breaking his grip on her. She spun round to face him. "Chakotay, please go!" she ordered more firmly this time, a dangerous light glinting in her eyes. 

He met her glare with firm resolve. "Kathryn, you need to know exactly what you're missing out on here. Exactly what you'll be turning down, if you go ahead with this marriage. So I'm not leaving until I've made love to you!" Her eyes widened in shock again. He grabbed her and kissed her, pushing past the resistance of her lips, plundering the sweetness of her mouth with his tongue. She wriggled and suddenly he was stung on the side of the face by a hefty slap. He again released his hold on her, this time voluntarily, carefully holding his groin out of reach of her knees. 

"You'd force me?" she queried in horror, eyes darting daggers at him. 

"No…let me get one thing straight here," he said firmly, turning and walking back to the coffee table. He lifted her comm. badge from it. Returning to her, he seized her left hand, held it palm upwards and placed the comm. badge securely in the middle. She stared at it briefly in stupefaction, before closing her fingers over it. "You can stop this," he continued. "But you're going to have to call security and have me dragged out of here. It'll ruin our beautiful friendship…but, hey, it'll be ruined anyway, if you marry Edgar!" He relished the indecision he could see flickering in her moist eyes. 

"Chakotay, don't do this." 

"Call security then!" he dared. They stared at each other for long loaded moments. "But I don't think you will." He reached his right hand forward, wrapping it experimentally around her waist, and giving her gentle tug back towards him. Her back arched slightly and her eyes closed in concentration. Her body was tensed and her breathing heavy. 

His left hand delved into her hair, cupping the side of her face, and she leant reflexively into it. "Kathryn, don't fight this any more," he said more gently. "We have a barrier to cross. One we should have crossed years ago." 

"I'm engaged!" she offered as a last pitiful attempt to divert him. 

"We'll see about that," he said, brushing his lips on her forehead. "I intend to do everything in my power to change your mind." He kissed the tip of her nose. "You are about to have the most unforgettable sexual experience of your life, woman, and you are never going to want to look at any other man again." His lips traced a path across her cheek bone, paid homage to her ear, and finally found their way back to her mouth. He played with her lips for sometime, finding them soft and unresisting now, and was encouraged to hear a soft moan escape from deep in her throat. He drew her closer, molding her body into his large frame, knowing now that she could not possibly ignore the growing evidence of his arousal. 

This part he had planned meticulously. He knew he was sufficiently experienced and skillful to make love to her in the most incredible and amazing way, taking her, despite his lack of familiarity with her body, to heights she had never before imagined. Unless she was frigid…and he was sure now she wasn't…she couldn't fail to be overwhelmed by his love making. It was going to require a good deal of self control on his part to carry it out, focusing every moment of it on her pleasure alone, but he had prepared himself, and he knew the reward would be worth it. He wanted all thoughts of marrying Edgar erased from her consciousness. 

He started slowly and gently, anxious to convey a sense of firmness rather than forcefulness. He sought out her most erogenous zones, listening intently to the sound of her breathing and any sighs that escaped her throat, carefully learning where and how she most enjoyed being touched. His heightened senses easily read the signals, and he quickly recognised that the battle raging within her was subsiding. He knew there was a big part of her that thought that she couldn't possibly allow this to happen, that she couldn't let her fiancé down in this way. But, as he wove his spell, the part of her that had longed for him all these years was slowly but surely coming to the fore. 

His fingers again worked their way under her sweater, feathering their way across her skin. The dance was slow and sensuous. Just as he intended. Eventually, his lips recaptured hers with ever more demanding kisses. She sighed, and he could still feel the trembling of her limbs. It thrilled him to feel the reaction he was getting from her body. 

"Does he kiss you like this?" he breathed in her ear, between kisses. "Or like this? Does he touch you like this, Kathryn?" he asked, as his fingers ventured into as yet unexplored, but incredibly exciting territory. Her chest began to heave and she became totally incapable of giving an articulate answer, but he noticed with satisfaction that the comm. badge fell from her hand and bounced unwanted across the floor. At that moment, he understood she had surrendered. He kissed her soundly one more time, then swept her off her feet, lifting her now pliant body and carrying her through to the bedroom. 

* * *

  


He spread her on the bed. Then slowly, delicately he peeled her clothing from her, worshipping the newly exposed flesh. His lips performed an erotic dance across her skin, tasting and teasing in a way that defied imagination, expertly and reverently stimulating every inch of her. Shivers of delight rippled through her body in response, and Kathryn was easily losing herself in a sensual whirlpool. She had never in her life been so electrified. No man had ever touched her quite like this, not even Justin, and she was powerless to resist the relentless riptide of arousal. His hands swept and probed, tantalizing every part of her, setting her body on fire. He took it slowly and lazily, retaining control, never once allowing her to take the initiative, yet he had no intention of entering her until she was throbbing with a desperate need to be filled by him. 

So he focused simply on stimulating her, weaving his magic around her and comprehensively assaulting her senses. He manoeuvred her body, varying his direction of attack and weapon of choice, slowly but surely taking possession of her. She found herself drifting out of reality, swimming in an ocean of exquisite sensation. As the spring of desire tightened unstoppably within her, she could not prevent her body from responding, nor the tell-tale moans and whimpers from escaping, and he knew without a shadow of a doubt he was succeeding in his quest. It crossed his mind that every time he had ever touched a woman before, he had merely been practising for this moment. This was now _his_ Kathryn he had under his spell. _His_ Kathryn moaning and writhing in ecstasy at his touch. _His_ Kathryn submitting herself to his every whim. _His_ Kathryn falling apart and allowing herself release in his arms. He'd imagined this from the moment he'd met her, and now it was happening for real. The feeling was divine. 

"Does he make you feel like this?" he breathed in her ear, once or twice. And he wondered if it was in his imagination that he eventually heard a gasp that resembled a no. 

With incredible skill, he took her to the edge and beyond. She came, whimpering under the exquisite torture of his lips. She came, gasping under the insistent power of his fingers, and finally she came, squealing as he pounded into her, matching her ecstasy with his own powerful release. 

By the time he sheathed himself fully within her, tearing down the final barrier between them, he knew exactly how hungry she was to receive him. Then, as he powered his way repeatedly into the depths of her body, he dared her to tell him she loved him. He knew now she was close again, and her whole being was beginning to shudder. 

"Tell me you love me, Kathryn. Tell me!" 

Her breathing became sharp and ragged, breaking into gasps as her small frame began to convulse around him, squeezing him deliciously, and at last the words he'd waited seven years to hear rose in a scream to fill the room. "Chakotay, ohhhh G…d, I love you….." The words flew past his ears, just as he felt the beginnings of exquisite contractions in his own genitalia, and, a thrust or two later, he followed her over the edge, spilling himself triumphantly into her womb. 

Afterwards, he held her tightly as they struggled to recover, panting with exhaustion and exhilaration. He kissed her and smoothed her hair away from her face, telling her repeatedly how much he loved her and how beautiful she was. But Kathryn became quiet. 

Suddenly she sat up, drawing her knees to her elbows, dropping her head miserably into her left hand. She rubbed at her temple in distress. Unaware, he studied the majestic bony sweep of her spine in admiration, lifting his fingers to stroke affectionately across the ridges. 

"What the hell have I done?" came her shaky voice. 

Chakotay, who had just been congratulating himself on the coup of the century, felt his insides shrink in horror. "Kathryn?" 

"Edgar will never forgive me." 

"Does it matter?" 

"Yes!" she said vehemently. "He'll soon be my husband!" 

Chakotay sat up in alarm, gingerly placing a hand on her shoulder. "You're not going through with it???" he asked, disbelieving what he had just heard. 

"Of course, I'm going through with it. I made a commitment to him!" 

"Spirits, Kathryn! You can't do it! After what we've just done? What you've just said? Dammit, you just told me you love me!" She looked at him miserably. "Do you?" He had to know. 

"Yes, Chakotay. But I love him too. I can't do this to him. I can't break his heart. He doesn't deserve it." 

"And I do?" 

"Well…you're not exactly blameless." 

"Don't bring my liaison with Seven into this. I would never have been dating her, if you hadn't been playing the ice maiden…" 

She threw him a fiery look, and he stopped himself. A heated argument was not going to help just now. 

He wrapped his arms around her middle, pulling her back against his chest, nuzzling her hair lovingly. Now was the time to remind her of his tender side. "Sorry. We need to talk this through calmly and rationally." He glanced down over her shoulder, mesmerised at the sight of her lovely white breasts spilling over his bronzed arms. She just nodded her acquiescence. "Do you love him more than you love me?" 

The question hung in the air unanswered for some time, as Chakotay closed his eyes and held his breath, dreading her response. 

She let out a long sigh. "No," she responded eventually. "Nothing like as much as I love you." 

He breathed again. "Well then, it's simple. You can't marry him. You can't live a lie for the rest of your life. You can't pretend to him that he means the world to you, when somebody else owns a big chunk of your heart!" 

She jumped up, and started ferreting about for her clothes. If he hadn't been so distressed, he would have been enjoying his first real appraisal of her naked form as she bobbed about the room. She really was beautiful, far lovelier than he had anticipated. He had steeled himself for some small degree of disappointment, because he had been with much younger women over recent years. His fears had been completely unfounded. 

"It's not that simple. It never is that simple where you and I are concerned." 

"What do you mean?" 

"Chakotay, you are asking me to forgo what I know will be a happy marriage. He's devoted to me, and he'll do everything in his power to make it work. I know we will be good together." 

He stood to face her. "And I won't?" he asked, outraged, but trying hard to moderate his tone. "I'll do all those things and more. I've spent seven years faithfully serving at your side, never once complaining. I've put my life on the line for you on countless occasions, and you question my devotion to you? Kathryn, you mean more to me than life itself." He paused, trying to collect his thoughts. "What can he give you that I can't? What has he promised? Marriage? Your career? A family? Dogs? Coffee plantation?" he asked, lightening the mood. She did manage a half smile at this last offer. "I can give you anything he can and more! Except the big house maybe. But I can't believe you're the kind of woman that would let someone's house influence her feelings about them…" He lapsed into silence. 

She pursed her lips, chewing things over in her mind. "Security, Chakotay. That's what he can give me. I don't know if I can trust you any more. And what has happened today hasn't exactly helped. You think that one afternoon of mind blowing sex, and I'll be clay in your hands. One fantastic fuck…and, let me be straight about this, it _was_ fantastic…and I'll be begging you to take me forever. Let me tell you, Chakotay, you are wrong. I am not that easily swayed. I'm one hell of a headstrong woman." 

"Don't I know it!" he lamented. 

"So, my heart might be telling me that you are the one and only man for me, Chakotay. But my head is telling me that I'm just another of your conquests. One of your more challenging ones, no doubt. We could get together, and then a few months, maybe years down the line, you'll be off chasing the next blonde who catches your eye." It pained him to hear her vocalise her lack of faith in him, but he knew deep down that he deserved some of this. Much of this mess was his fault. He stepped towards her, lifted his right hand and tenderly began to comb her hair behind her ear with his fingers. 

"None of those other women meant anything, Kathryn, you know that. Whenever I've been with anyone else, I've simply been marking time…preparing for when I could be with you. Preparing and waiting. You couldn't expect me to stay celibate all those years. You are _the_ one, Kathryn. _The only one_. You know it, if you're honest with yourself. I don't know what else to say to convince you." 

"I could buy that but for one thing. You cannot lump Seven in there. Whatever else you may have done, you cannot talk like that about Seven. You cannot possibly have been marking time with her. She was most definitely not a person whose feelings you should have dared to play around with." 

"Oh, G…d, Seven again!" 

"Yes, Seven again. I can look past all the others. Truly, I did so long ago. But not Seven. I cannot believe even you would be so crass as to mess about with someone so inexperienced." Chakotay swallowed. How could he explain this to her? 

"No, I didn't start dating Seven as a short term fix," he replied, solemnly. "I didn't seek her out. She sought me. And I was flattered, I admit. Dazzled even. I hoped…" he faltered. "I hoped to find something special with her, that I despaired of having with you. I didn't know we'd get home so soon. If I'd known, I would have held out for you, you know I would. But we got home, and things had already started to happen between us. I had to see where it was leading, and my feelings were very confused for a while. You would never have thanked me for just abandoning her. In the end there wasn't enough between us, but by then you were dating Edgar." 

"Like I said, your timing's lousy." 

"You're right. If I could go back and change things I would. Kathryn, you and I were meant for each other. What we had on Voyager was far more precious than any sexual relationship. We bared our souls to each other. On every matter except our love for each other. That was unspoken. But it was there nonetheless. We battled alongside each other, we fought together and we laughed together, lived and almost died together, and we came through stronger every time. We had an 'almost marriage'. What we had most people never find in a whole lifetime. I won't let that go without a fight." He pulled her close to him again and kissed her on the forehead. "I love you Kathryn. These last few months without you in my life have been like hell, and don't you dare think that my heart is incapable of being broken." He paused, clasping her head to his breast. He measured his next words very carefully, so that she might get the full impact of his meaning. "Since I met you, every woman I have ever touched I have wished was you. Don't condemn me to wishing every woman I ever touch in the future was you." 

There was a long silence, and then Kathryn let out a long breath and lifted moist eyes to meet his gaze. "Okay. Chakotay," she said eventually, "I'll think about it, I promise. You must grant me the space and time to think things over…on my own." 

"Of course, Kathryn. Take as long as you want. Just remember I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you." 

The tears in her eyes threatened to fall, and he held her close, letting her sob on his chest. 

"I can't believe I've done this…I'm so ashamed of myself." 

"Don't you dare be ashamed! What we just did together was the most beautiful precious thing, and I refuse to be ashamed of it." He ran his hands up and down her back, and kissed the top of her head, while she absorbed his reassurance and began to calm down. When she was quiet, he added, "I think you could use a drink. Would you like a coffee?" She nodded, so he kissed her again, released her and strode through into the lounge. He made no attempt to cover himself. He wanted her to take a good look. He was sure he had the edge on Edgar in physique. The man was five years older than himself and a good deal less fit. 

He came back with a tea and a coffee, and a thoughtful looking Kathryn was by now sitting fully clothed on the bed. He passed one mug to her, which she accepted gratefully, and stood leaning on the doorjamb unashamedly, nursing his own mug and absorbing the comfort of the warm liquid through his hands. 

Kathryn took a long appreciative draught. A long appreciative look too, he suspected...hoped even. 

"I bet I make a better cup of coffee too!" he said, with a mischievous twinkle in his eye. 

She smiled in response. "I won't argue with that," she said honestly. 


	2. Chapter 2

They had what amounted to a calm but meaningful heart to heart until well into the early evening, when he finally left, granting her request for time and space to think. They talked about how Edgar would react to what had happened and what a future together might entail. He took this as a very promising sign. She did still want to try for a family, and the enthusiasm he showed for such a prospect was transparently genuine. It had been another of his daydreams over the last seven years, and he made sure she understood that. 

As he left, he was pretty optimistic about the outcome, despite the fact that she'd extracted a promise from him to accept her marrying Edgar, if that was what she ultimately chose to do. 

His optimism seemed justified, when a morning call came from B'Elanna two days later, asking him if he had anything to do with Kathryn's calling off the wedding. She was somewhat surprised to find he didn't know, and they both mulled over Kathryn's reasons for not having told him. He felt a certain sense of injustice that he hadn't been the first to know. 

He rushed to her office at lunchtime, where he was greeted by a surprised but smiling woman. She immediately dismissed her aide, and came out from behind her desk, whereupon he grabbed her and kissed her. She reciprocated apparently willingly. 

They broke apart. "You've called the wedding off?" 

"Yes." 

"Were you going to tell me?" 

"Yes. When I was ready." 

"And are you?" 

"Probably not. But it's a moot point now." 

"Does this mean what I think it means?" he asked enthusiastically. 

"No. Don't go jumping the gun here, Chakotay. I've called the wedding off, that's all." 

"You haven't decided?" he asked, disappointed. 

"I _have_ decided. I love you and I want to be with you. Edgar can never make me happy now. But I need some mourning time. I've just ended a special relationship. I'm not ready to launch straight into the next, albeit with someone I love very much. And, please understand, I don't want to rub Edgar's nose in it. He doesn't deserve all this. The media were already showing up outside my apartment block this morning, and several reporters have already tried to call me here today. Things could get ugly. So I need you to back off a while. Please, can you stay away from me? No calls, no visits…nothing." 

"Are you serious?" 

"Very." Chakotay studied her face for signs that she meant what she said, and saw that famous Janeway determination. He sighed with resignation. "All right, my love. If it's what you want…but how long do you mean?" 

"A month?" 

"A month?" he said in alarm. 

"Yes. Then I'll clear some time off work, and we can go somewhere quiet together. Out of the media spotlight. I'd prefer they didn't get wind of this for a while…" 

"Risa?" 

"No. Not obscure enough. They'd find us there. Chakotay, I know you were thinking of going to Dorvan soon. Why don't you go…quickly, in the next few days, say? It'll throw them right off the scent, hopefully. Then, I'll come out and join you as soon as I can…" 

"But I was going to work…" 

"All day and all night?" 

"Well…no." 

"And I'm sure there's something useful I could do." 

He grinned. Her engineering skills would be a huge asset on Dorvan. "There is absolutely something useful you can do, but I was planning on going for several months, maybe a year." 

"Fine. We'll work things out…" 

"And the facilities are pretty basic…well, non-existent really." 

"I'm sure I'll cope." 

"Think New Earth. Without the replicators." 

"Oh, I'll definitely cope." 

"On the plus side, the people are wonderful, the scenery's spectacular, and no reporter ever ventures there," he said, warming considerably to the idea, now that she seemed willing to accept the hardships that would ensue. 

"Perfect." 

"That's settled then." He drew her back into his arms, hugging her but unsure whether to risk a kiss again. "A month, you say?" 

"Yes. I can get away four weeks tomorrow. Then it'll take me about ten days to get there." 

"Promise?" 

"I promise. Chakotay, you're just going to have to trust me." 

"Okay," he agreed. "You told Edgar?" 

"Yes." 

"Everything?" 

"Yes." 

"How did he take it?" he asked, concerned for what she might have been put through. 

"Not well, as you might imagine. I hated doing this to him. There was some shouting, some not very pleasant things said…but when he calmed down he was the perfect gentleman. He said he knew there was something between us. He thought it was in the past, but it didn't exactly surprise him." 

"Did he hurt you?" 

"No...no. Like I said, he was the perfect gentleman. He's agreed to call the wedding off, but he's only regarding it as a postponement. I still have some convincing to do. I'm afraid his opinion of you is not very high. He's expecting me to come around." 

"Kathryn, I shouldn't leave just now. I don't want to leave the field clear for him…" 

She tightened her lips grimly to show her determination. She had every intention of protecting Edgar from everything beyond what was necessary. "I told you, Chakotay, you have to trust me. Let me handle this on my own." 

When he continued to hesitate, she looked at him with round pleading eyes. He understood. He didn't like it, but he had to do as she asked. In a way, it was a test of his patience and of his willingness to release some of the control in their relationship back to her. 

* * *

  


As he packed his things a few days later, the door chime rang. He expected to find B'Elanna or Mike coming to wish him a safe journey, but was stunned to find a grey haired handsome man standing on the step. He'd seen him distantly before, and he had a striking resemblance to both Mark and Jaffen. He knew at once it was Commodore Edgar Allenby, and he was instantly on his guard. 

"Mr. Chakotay? Can I come in?" asked the stranger. Chakotay hesitated, so he added, "I've not come here spoiling for a fight. I just want to talk to you man to man…about Kathryn." 

Chakotay stood aside to let him in, and the man walked through into the rather messy lounge, casting his eyes around in assessment. Chakotay swallowed. His small rooms couldn't possibly compare to Allenby's imposing residence, and the packing crates did not improve matters. 

"You're moving?" 

"Yes. I'm going away for a while. I have some important work to do off planet." He caught the glint of satisfaction in the man's eyes, and added, "Kathryn's going to join me in due course." 

The light vanished from Allenby's eyes. "Ah…well, I want to talk to you about that." The two men eye-balled each other for a few moments. "Could we possibly sit down?" 

"Yes. Please do," said Chakotay, sweeping a box off the sofa. Allenby sat and was offered a drink. They settled on Antarian whisky, although both men wondered if it was wise to drink alcohol given the tension of the moment. Chakotay went off to fetch two glasses. 

"I know what happened," said Allenby. "Kathryn's told me everything. I was rather angry at first, but I realise that she's probably held a candle for you for some time. My hope is that she'll get you out of her system and then see sense… Well, I came here today to see what kind of a man you are. What kind of a man would steal her away from the prospect of a loving enduring marriage? Some of the things Kathryn has told me about you have not entirely painted you in the best light. Oh, I know you were the consummate First Officer…that goes without saying. What I'm referring to is your womanising…" 

"That's entirely unjustified…" Chakotay protested. 

"Oh, that's easy to say. But you're in your late forties, and what have you to show for it? You've nothing to offer her, and you've never yet had a stable relationship with a woman." 

"Kathryn and I have a stable relationship. _Very_ stable and _very_ special." 

"Tell me, do you love her, Mr. Chakotay?" 

"With all my heart." 

"Because if you're taking her from me just to toy with her affections for a while and then just leave her for someone else…well, I'm asking you to back out now and leave her to find her happiness with me. I know I can make her happy. She's the sort who needs stability in her relationships. Oh, I know she's been engaged three times, but the first two didn't work out through no fault of her own. But it does show her need of permanence in her relationships. You, I believe, have never been in a long term relationship, let alone been engaged, is that right?" 

"No," said Chakotay, bristling with annoyance. 

"My point exactly. I love her, and I'm prepared to look past her little…indiscretion. I know it was out of character for her. Look, we both should think about what's best for Kathryn here." 

Chakotay studied his guest with some antipathy. He put his glass down and leaned forward. "What is best for Kathryn is that she makes her own mind up. She is perfectly capable of doing so." 

Allenby blinked. "Well, of course. I didn't mean to suggest otherwise." He sank back into his chair, moderating his tone now. "Look, Kathryn is a truly remarkable woman. I love her to bits, and she deserves every chance of happiness, especially after everything she's been through. I happen to think I am the best person to offer her that chance, although right now she seems to think otherwise. I came to find out what your motivation is." 

Chakotay chewed this over for some moments before answering. "Mr. Allenby, I have loved Kathryn Janeway since I first set eyes on her seven and half years ago. We developed a deep and unequalled friendship over time, and, whether Kathryn has admitted it to you or not, we have always been attracted physically to each other. There were times when we gazed at each other with an incredible sense of longing. Has Kathryn ever explained to you why we never acted on it?" Allenby shook his head. "She has a tenacious sense of duty. Her focus was always the safety and well-being of the ship and crew. Her goal was always to get us home. If that meant she had to make sacrifices to achieve it, she'd do so without a second thought. One of those sacrifices was our relationship. Of course, it didn't help that Starfleet protocol discourages the most senior officers from having a romantic liaison with any subordinates, and that is very deeply ingrained in our Kathryn. Personally, I don't think Starfleet would have given a toss about it, given our circumstances, but she didn't see it that way. Then there was Mark. She was technically engaged to him for the first three years of our journey, and she never once considered betraying him despite the fact that he was seventy thousand light years away, even when we were marooned on a planet together for ten weeks. No, she is fiercely loyal, and she would never have betrayed you, if I hadn't rather pushed the matter. So blame me, if you like. This whole terrible mess is of my own making. None of this is Kathryn's fault, it's mine, and I regret that you've been caught up in it all. 

All this denying of our love for each other took its toll, and we both had minor dalliances, none of which meant anything." He saw that Allenby was about to interrupt, so he hastily added, "No, not even my last one, although Kathryn is less convinced of that. The love between us has been there all these years, and will continue into the future, sometimes hidden or suppressed, but as undeniable as the march of time itself. Put the two of us in a room together and sparks will fly. It's a simple fact of life. She tells me she loves you too, in a different way, and I believe her. She would never have agreed to marry you otherwise. 

But I do love her, Edgar, with every fibre of my being. If you think I would deny my best friend, this woman who means so much to me, happiness with you on the basis of some temporary infatuation, then you are wrong. I would never do that to her. Her happiness is more important to me than my own." 

Allenby was quiet for a while, digesting this information with some level of resignation. Eventually he spoke in a slightly shaky voice. "I have to echo that. Her happiness is more important to me than my own. I have to accept that you two have a history, a shared experience that I can never be a part of. To be honest, Mr. Chakotay, you are not quite the cad I had you down for. I'd pinned my hopes on your turning out to be an uncaring rogue, so that I could appeal to Kathryn's abundance of common sense. Now I see that nothing could be farther from the truth. Do you mind if I ask you something?" 

"Please, feel free." 

"Where do you stand on the subject of a family?" 

"Pardon me?" 

"On having children?" 

Chakotay smiled. "Nothing would give me greater pleasure, especially with Kathryn. I always wanted to have a family. There has never been an opportunity before." 

Allenby sighed. "I've got to hand it to you. You hold all the cards. I know Kathryn still wants to try for a family, and I agreed because it's what she wants. But I already have two grown up sons…I've been a widower for eight years. Did you know that?" 

"Yes, I did." 

"The thought of starting again with a young family…while appealing in many ways…fills me with some degree of trepidation. I cannot help but wonder if I am too old to go through all that again." 

"You're not that much older than me." 

Allenby smiled. "Five or six years, maybe. I know it's nothing in this day and age. But you have the enthusiasm of a man in his prime ready to embrace the novelty of parenthood." 

Chakotay nodded, surprised that his rival was willing to be so candid. "That's very true." He took a long gulp of his whisky. "I know Kathryn is finding this very difficult. She doesn't want to hurt either one of us." 

"No, she doesn't. These last few days have been hell for her." Chakotay lifted an eyebrow. It seemed that Allenby had gotten to see much more of Kathryn than he had, and this disturbed him. Allenby stood up. "I think I'd better be leaving you to your packing. And you're right. Kathryn should be making her own mind up. She has no intention of stringing us both along. That idea may have merit in some circles, but the jealousy would drive us both insane, wouldn't it?" He drew a deep breath. "Mr. Chakotay, I thank you for your time. Don't think for a moment I've given up on her, but I accept that the momentum is going your way. I'd be deluding myself if I thought otherwise. Don't you dare mess up her life." 

"I would sooner die than hurt her." Allenby nodded and stepped towards the door, straightening his back and trying hard not to look as defeated as he felt. Chakotay was feeling a growing sense of respect for him. He reflected that it is much easier to decide to play with people's lives when they are faceless beings. Now he knew the sort of man Edgar Allenby was. He had looked him in the eye. He was a real man, with real feelings and his actions had caused him pain. For the first time, Chakotay felt a flicker of doubt that he'd done the right thing. "For what it's worth," continued Chakotay as Allenby paused on the doorstep, "I see Kathryn is an excellent judge of character." 

"Yes, she is." 

The visit left Chakotay uneasy. He had hoped to dislike Allenby, but found he couldn't. The man was considerate, gracious and successful, and no doubt would have made Kathryn very happy if he hadn't intervened. A few days later, he was even more disturbed when he learned from B'Elanna, his inside informant, that Allenby had been several times to see Kathryn. He was well on the way to DS9 by then, and he nearly thought of turning back. Fortunately, it wasn't that easy to find a transport going the other way. 

He contacted Kathryn, who only gave him an earful. She reminded him with some indignation that he'd promised no calls. He expressed his concern that Allenby was still visiting her, and she countered that since he was her fiancé, he had every right to see her. She feared that just about anybody could intercept their communication. She reminded him that she had made her feelings clear the last time they had met, and he had to live with it. Afterwards, he thought about it, and he realised that despite the tone of the conversation, it concealed a veiled endorsement of her love and her promise to come to him. 

* * *

  


Several weeks later

It was an understatement to say that the tribal peoples of Dorvan favoured the old fashioned ways. In the heat of the midday sun, Chakotay was a solitary figure out in the fields, wearily trudging along behind two lumbering pferridi pulling a plough. He had had two teenage assistants earlier in the day, but now that the temperature had risen, they had disappeared for lunch and a siesta. They had found him rather quiet and contemplative for their liking, and had readily abandoned him for more cheerful company. 

He had on light pants and an open shirt revealing a firm body glistening with perspiration from the heat and exertion. The evidence of days of hard work surrounded him: numerous furrows striping the land behind him, separated by ridges of newly turned red-brown soil. He was not stopping for lunch, nor retreating to the cool of the village. He hoped to get much done today. Soon, he was almost sure Kathryn would come. He wanted to devote as much time as possible to her when she arrived. 

His back was to the village, his front towards the distant lofty mountains, and he was lost in his own thoughts of the future, as he cajoled the two beasts up the hill, so he did not at first spot the lone stealthy figure in a sun hat begin to ascend the slope behind him. Perhaps he sensed some movement, for he turned and observed a flicker in the dusty shadows beneath the shimmering heat. He strained his eyes. No, it was just a mirage. He turned away and continued with his work. A few minutes later, he glanced back again, still wondering if someone was there or whether it was a trick of the light. Maybe one of his helpers was returning early, but he didn't give that much credence. When he next looked round, he was able to make out a familiar female figure distilling itself from the ether, her skirts catching in the wisps of the wind. His heart leapt. 

He called the animals to a halt, hurriedly anchored down the plough, and turned, hardly daring to believe that it was Kathryn walking towards him in the glaring sunlight. Heart racing, he flew down the slope to greet her. 

"Kathryn!" 

The figure began to rush towards him, and in seconds she was in his arms. He kissed her and swung her joyfully around. 

"You came!" 

"Did you doubt it?" 

"No," he said hastily and not quite honestly, "but I wasn't expecting you for another couple of days at least!" 

She laughed. "There's got to be some advantage to being an admiral!" 

He grinned. She grinned. And then he pulled her back towards him, capturing her lips more fervently this time. As the frenzy of kissing abated, she explained that she had pulled rank to get on a faster transport. She stepped back and looked around. 

"I thought you were joking when you suggested a coffee plantation!" 

He laughed. "I was. This is for cereals. Nothing so hedonistic as coffee. But there are some great wild beans around here. I don't think you'll be disappointed." 

"You weren't joking about the big house, though." 

"You saw it?" he said, referring to the mud hut he had been living in for the last three weeks or so. 

"Yes, I left my stuff there." 

"Well, we can stay in a place farther down the slope. They've set aside the best house in the village for you. You're to be the guest of honour around here. It will be a lot more comfortable. Not exactly big, but cooler and nearer the river and it has a bathtub!" She nodded, smiling. "How long can you stay?" 

"Actually, I've taken a six month leave of absence. I can stay a while. Long enough to get our relationship…our new relationship on an even keel." 

"Oh, Kathryn, that's wonderful! Just wonderful. They'll soon have you with your sleeves rolled up studying the plans for the new water systems. Chief Ramemzulla will think the Sky Spirits are visiting." 

"He already does. He wasted no time in introducing himself, and I've already been showered with gifts. Blankets. Beautiful ceramics. Embroidered clothing…" 

"I hope you accepted it very graciously. They'd be offended if you didn't." 

"Don't worry; I think I showed them my appreciation." She stood back a moment, admiring the bare chest and the glistening skin. His muscles had firmed up with the hard labour. 

"The hard work suits you. You're looking fit!" 

"So are you!" he said, sweeping his eyes over her trim figure. She was wearing a long skirt, pumps and a short-sleeved blouse, the top few buttons of which had been left undone. The freckles she usually hid so carefully were spattering her face charmingly. 

The mutual admiration continued, as a charged silence stretched between them. 

Then the dam burst, signalled by a gust of wind which lifted her hat and blew it tumbling down the slope. He pulled her roughly back into his arms, kissing her now with a fiery passion, and professing his love for her all over again. And the small woman in his arms…his own beloved Kathryn…was kissing him back with equal fervour. They were her hands clutching at his chest. And it was her voice in his ears telling him she loved him too. The passion that drove them wouldn't, couldn't wait. Suddenly, the buttons on her blouse flew through the air. 

In moments, he had her on the ground, her hair spread amongst the furrowed soil, which so nearly matched its beautiful colour. The blouse was swept open like curtains, underwear pushed roughly aside and the skirt spread wide above her waist. He feasted on her breasts like a man starved. She tugged eagerly at the fastenings on his pants, desperate to release him from his confines. Within seconds he was lustily hammering into her welcoming body, demanding satisfaction and feeding the hunger that was gripping both of them. She pushed herself greedily to greet his every thrust, and they were quickly both screaming their release to the universe around them. 

They slowed, breathing their way back to normality. He tenderly brushed the sides of her forehead with his thumbs, and was momentarily surprised to see that he was leaving earthy marks on her skin from his soiled hands. Then he smiled. She looked so endearing like that, with her hair falling in rivers of gold on the red dusty soil, smudges on her temple. He kissed her gently. Then inspiration hit him. He took his weight awkwardly on his left elbow and reached out with his right hand to dip a finger in a darker lump of clay. Then, concentrating hard, he drew the outline of his tattoo on her forehead. She was puzzled for a moment, until she realised what he was doing. It took several dips in the soil to complete the task, and the result was not as accurate as he would have liked, his finger being rather thick for the task, and his position rather ungainly. But it was a symbol of their union, and their eyes met meaningfully, in deep awareness of it. 

He rolled off her till he was lying beside her, not attempting to cover his nakedness, and the product of their encounter trickled onto the parched earth, glistening in the bright light. They lay on their backs for a while, temporarily careless of the harsh sting of the sun on their slickened private parts, still tingling from their love making. He reached out and clasped her hand, squeezing it in reassurance, lacing his fingers with hers. They rested in silence for some time, free hands clutching at the soil. Rooted to the earth, they felt they had touched paradise together. Two afternoons they had expressed their love for each other physically, and it was already obvious to both of them that their physical intimacy was going to be just as amazing and special as their intellectual and spiritual connection had been proven to be over the years in the Delta Quadrant. 

"Wow!" he commented. 

"Wow…doesn't quite cover it." 

"That was awesome, Kathryn." He took a deep satisfied breath. "I think this is what is called communing with nature!" 

"Well, it's a bit hard on the back!" 

"Sorry, my love!" he apologised. "It was a bit fast and furious. It's just…I wanted you so badly." 

"Fast and furious is just fine…occasionally," she conceded, sitting up and beginning to pull her clothes into some sort of order. "So long as we can do the slow and sensuous bit too…" 

"Like last time?" 

"Oh, yes! Definitely like last time." 

"You enjoyed my 'Chakotay special', didn't you?" 

"Well…" 

"Admit it!" 

She turned to look at him. "I _loved_ what you did last time," she replied huskily. 

"Well…my darling, you can have a repeat performance any time you want from now on. Day or night. Say the word, and I'm at your service." 

She grinned. "How is a girl to resist?" She leaned over and kissed him. 

"That is the general idea. There is a charge for my services, however," he said, deciding to push his luck. 

Her eyebrows knotted in bewilderment at what was coming. "There is?" 

"Well, more like two conditions really. First, that you wear a wedding ring." Understanding showed in her eyes. "My wedding ring," he added, hastily, realising that he hadn't been precise enough. "Second, that you return the favour sometimes." 

Her lips twitched, and eventually broke into one of her heavenly smiles. "Well, I can see I will have to get creative…" 

"I'm sure you're _very_ capable of getting creative." 

"Oh, I think so." 

"Have we got a deal, then?" 

"Yes, Chakotay. It's a deal. How could I possibly refuse such a deliciously tempting offer?" 

* * *

  


Epilogue: Two years later  


Chakotay stood admiring his wife on the platform, as she concluded her speech to a rather impressive gathering of dignitaries, many of whom had travelled from distant planets to be at the conference. They had been married for two years, and neither of them had any regrets now. Not a single one. It had been a long time since they had allowed themselves to think remorsefully of the man whose life they'd trampled on to be together. 

He watched her slim elegant form, as she left the lectern and descended the steps to thunderous applause. Their eyes met briefly over the swirling sea of humanoids, and he smiled his congratulations at her. He was so very proud of her. 

Just then, he became aware of a man drawing up beside him. Glancing sideways, he recognised with a jolt that it was Edgar Allenby. 

"She's looking lovelier than ever," the man opened. 

"Yes, she is," he replied, warily. 

"Motherhood suits her." 

"Yes, it does." 

"Congratulations, by the way, on the birth of your son." 

"Thank you." 

"He must be…what six months old now?" 

"Seven." 

Allenby nodded, and turned away. Chakotay caught a glimpse of the distress in the older man's eyes. 

"You're a lucky man, Mr. Chakotay." 

Chakotay watched the man's retreating back. There was an air of dejection about him. A lump came to his throat. But for his intervention two years ago, their positions might have been reversed. Yes, he was a lucky man. Didn't he just know it! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Author's note: I started this with the intention of writing a more macho Chakotay, but I don't know if I succeeded. It was probably a response to criticism that I have written a wimpish Chakotay in the past. Whatever, I do not think Chakotay would ever force himself on Kathryn, except perhaps when under Teero's influence (I have explored this scenario in the story Never Say Never), and she would most certainly never forgive him if he ever did. So I had to make him give her a get out. It has never been my intention to write smut, rather to portray love making as beautiful, spiritual and sensual. Apologies to anyone who thinks I've crossed the line here._


End file.
